who do you see?

Is it the same person who will fiercely fight for her position in the company?
Is it the face of a lover, who will say “I love you”, as each takes own way to work?
Is it the tired face of a woman, who kept the house spic and span,
baked a cake, and cooked dinner?

or is it just a confused face, undetermined yet, as to what will it be?
blank canvas, waiting for the cue to show which face,

I wear my face clean,
smiling and sincere,
and yet,
not so many get me,

school – graduate Uni – Job – Married – Children.
school – graduate Uni – Job – Married – Children.

Just because we belong to one mold, does not mean we should lead the same life.

For all it’s worth, I think the people who wrote this are sincere. They sincerely expressing their feelings and thought. In public.

Do I have problem with that? No, not really. It’s just I am a very private person. It amazes me, that some people are able to do this. Amazed and amused. Especially, when it comes to expressing feelings and inside jokes.

See, these feelings, are special. Don’t you think it’s something special between you and them, a little secret that the world wouldn’t be able to share, because they are not special enough? Don’t you think it’d be better to be addressed directly to the person, face to face, with the tone, the voice, and the proper expression? With the whole heart and soul uttering word by word. Don’t you think they deserve to hear, see and savor every single syllable?

Of course, I write, I know how powerful words and sentences can be. But it will never show the true feeling one has when one wrote it. It is up to the interpretation of the reader.

Instead, if you are courageous enough, look at them straight in the eyes, and with all your heart, your soul, and your might, tell them, tell them how wonderful they are.

But bottom line is, I watched Hysteria on the shortest day in the year. Yes, okay, it’s weakly-correlated. That’s not the point, the point is, it’s a good movie.

London 1880, half of the women in England was diagnosed with a plague. Hysteria. The condition that leads to frigidity, anxiety, and etc, and etc. Hysteria rooted from overtly-active uterus. Or, as we, independent courageous women of the present will refer to as, Horny. These ladies visited a well-known doctor, who treated hundreds of Hysteria case, without any failure. How did he treat them? tut tut, I’ll be cruel and won’t spoil anything. Oh okay, just a tiny bit. It involves fingers.

Business was booming for the doctor, that he hired a young charming doctor as an apprentice to help. From here, the story went quite an unexpected.

It’s very charming and amusing movie. The humor is subtle and polite, considering the (private :p) topic. It made me smile adoringly. Although, I will have to say, this movie won’t probably be everyone’s cup of tea.

Apart from that, Happy Holiday to ye all. It’s that time of the year when one should hibernate and watch as the year gone by.

I just want to catch a couple of months break, to figure out what I want, what I need, and how to get there. I’ve been running around, jumping and juggling from one spot to another, without being able to think everything through. Without being able to catch a breath and say, “Yes, this is what I want and I will do this”

But I can’t. The treadmill is set now. I will have to keep on running.

The story start with a Professor who resides in the US and is packing to go home to Paris. During this time, there are rumors about a strange creature which attacked big ships. First it was amusing, but then the creature causes unrest in the society. So the US government send away their finest Captain and crew to track this creature. With them, also the Professor. The Captain invited him to identify the creature.

Long story short (I recommend to read the long version), the Captain failed to capture the creature. But the professor, suddenly found himself aboard the Nautilus. A fancy and powerful submarine which he knows as the “Strange Creature”. He even went as far as identifying it as a Whale.

I normally avoid novels that starts with “I”. Overtly self-centered. The communication is only one way, mainly the “I” telling you story about the its life. Unless this “I” is hunting strange creature and suddenly found a fancy submarine instead, I wouldn’t care much about its life.

The “I” in Jules’ Verne novel is also very interesting. A Professor, with a tapir (yes, the animal) strutting around his Hotel’s backyard and a stoic male-servant. No, the tapir is not his stoic male-servant :p.

Tapir is quite a rare animal, and to mention it in a novel; and the explanation on the electricity of Nautilus, how they filter sodium from the salt water and putting in on the battery…

Let’s just say this is a sci-fi at its best. It’s around 150 years old, but it is still interesting.

I’d say Mars would be interesting. With its two moon, Phobos and Deimos. I mean, look at Earth and its Moon, and how romantic a full moon is. Imagine if there are two, isn’t double romantic?

*sigh*

Or Saturn. Pretty Saturn with its ring. Must be a hell of a view for everyone. No matter which side of the hotel you would stay, you can still see the ring.

Of course, Mars is inexplicably dry and Saturn is nothing but a bunch of gas. But details, details. Plus, we are playing what-ifs here.

How about Jupiter? A floating dream to those that wishes for extra space. To top it all, the planet come with plenty of moons. I guess one can buy an extra holiday retreat at one of the moon.

“Yeah, I’ll be leaving for Io, holiday, you see. But I’ll drop by at Ganymede first, to pick up my friend”

A friend once said, as soon as Nine becomes Ten, one will stay forever in that country. No matter how foreign it might feel. I refuse to believe in this. In fact, I rejected the possibility of staying in Amsterdam, or The Netherlands, for many many more August.

This is not my place. That’s what I always said to myself. I don’t speak the language (tenmiste, niet goed genoeg, jongens :p). I don’t party like bad girl who went to Amsterdam (I hate those t-shirt). Most of my friends are expats. I complained about the weather, the cold and the rain. And I am miles away from my family. And my BFF.

But every dusk in Fall, when the leaves are red and gold; the canals becomes merely silhouette and its light sparkles through the mist, I sigh contently. How could I not love Amsterdam?

Every morning, be it Spring or Winter, the greetings from my colleagues; the cheerful “Good Morning”; the busy-mumble-muble “Goedemorgen”; or the amusing “Goeiemoggel”. Such joy! How could I leave Amsterdam?

I grew up here. I watched restaurants come and go. The cashier at WTW smiles and waves excitedly, I am one of their long term customer. She knows by heart what I would order and said, “The usual?”

“The usual” oh, how those words rings beautifully in my ears. I watched as a young man, who was a waiter, becomes a manager. He would wink and yell “How are you?”, from the crowd queuing for a seat in the restaurant.

I shrieked at the sight of an old friend on the street. I kissed their cheeks three times. Three, always three.

Maybe nine or ten, is how long it will take to make “nobody” into “somebody”. Here, in Amsterdam, I am somebody. Even the canals knows me. It watches me silently, as I swap my sneakers to black boots. As I strut in skirt, and hurried in jeans. As I see them with my naive eyes, which slowly lost its naivety. The giggle subsides, and the young woman got older.

I cried, I laughed, I loved in Amsterdam. But should I stay?

Oh don’t get me wrong, I can work under pressure. And, yes, my problem-solving-troubleshooting ability is sharp enough to perform under pressure. But then what? Drained for the rest of the week.

So, no, I’d rather take the slower, scenic route, while picking flowers . Enjoying every bit of the planning and of executing the planning. Which reminds me, that’s exactly what I have to do now

Ideals, who doesn’t have one? Be it men, politics, and, friendship. But as quoted above, it is very rare for a person to meet their ideals. Even when they meet the embodiment of their ideals, they will, in time, discover the flaw of the ideals. When ideals has flaw, the consequence can be split in two ways; denial or identity crisis.

Should we spend the whole life chasing for ideals? Ideal friend who will never betray us; Ideal job which will give enough freedom and still pay well; Ideal spouse who can read mind and cook like Michelin star chef?

If we should never find one, could we settle with the lesser choice? Should we discard our ideal and accept the fact that these ideals are no more than wishful thinking; or even delusion?

Then again, what would one be without ideals? Swaying around, doing whatever everybody else is doing?

I can tell you this. I, myself is a self-proclaimed idealist *chuckles*. But bit by bit, I started to realize how I have limit my world into a shallow and small existence. How I demand people to have the ideal quality and shun when they do not possess them.

*sigh*

But the world has taught me how errors can be made, how flaws can be tolerated, and how kind are those who tolerate these. How wise and broad their view are. And, most importantly, how happy they have become.